Women, they have a description of a perfect guy. And we all know this
description. "Taller than me, well built, fit health wise and body wise,
handsome, well settled, good language and enough vehicles". This is what
they want, but most of them accept to the fact that all this in a single person
is too much to ask so they settle for a person who doesn't have one or two of
these qualities.
What happened here is compromise. When u don't get what u want, then settle for what u have. But what men do is whine about how he's single and how girls always settle for the perfect ones. Basic problem is that men don't think emotionally.
When a girl leaves a guy for another one, she undergoes an emotional suicide. Luckily emotions are not physical objects so she can create them again. When she makes a choice it's not based on what the guy thinks she fell for. Guys think she went for the easy, effortless and settling down option, but a girl, even though gets all the above advantages, travels a different path. I wouldn't say harder path because who suffers most, the guy or girl is a totally different topic for another time.
Let me explain the different path which she has to go through. At first it seems as if she didn't want to leave her comfort zone so she settled for someone her parents chose for her. But she has to calculate, not his pay check, but her emotional tally. She wants to keep her family, she grew up with mom's food and dad's lap to sleep which she don't want to sacrifice. Of course we men too had them all but we don't include them as a component when we have to choose that over the love of our life.
Next comes siblings, a very important component. She might have fought with her siblings all 25 years but when she has to leave them it would still break her heart. Suddenly she wouldn't want to live without them. Next cousins, almost the same case. So basically she's a person entangled among her relations. When she wants to include you inside of it and you don't fit in, because of her relatives or yours, she breaks out, she's pushed into making a choice. When we have to choose we would easily choose what we want because its right in front of us. But for her it's all in her mind, a whole package. So she does go for the easy option within her comfort zone, not because of the reasons you'd think.
The reason I want to write about this is to try and explain men what great ordeal their wives have to undergo to be with them and that it's not the same as how we do it. Being a practical creature he knows he's too grown up to be with his parents/relatives and that its time to give all of himself to his life partner. But she on the other hand, thinks that she's too grown up to leave her parents alone when they're growing old so she wants to keep them along while taking your hand in marriage.
What I'm trying to say is,
1) When she gets over such emotional suicides, leaves her whole family and goes with you, she's heartbroken. She's not going to heal when you want her to heal. Her healing is a whole another process and its going to take a minimum of the same amount of years she put in to grow up with them. So embrace it. She could be a single person to see but she's a whole package. Embrace all of it. Take care of her and help her heal and for that she'll pour all her love on you.
2) When she leaves someone she loved to the choice of her parents. She's again heartbroken. But luckily it won't take as much time as the 1st case does, coz she knew him for a shorter duration. But the difficult part comes where you don't know about her past relationship yet. My advice, don't try to know, don't pry it out of her, but give her time to heal. She's already yours and that'll heal her quickly. Now when you do come to know of it, embrace it. She chose to leave him and be with you. It's a hardship if you imagine doing the same. So accept it, be there for her and again help her heal, she's going to pour all her love on you.
This way marriages won't break and divorce lawyers won't get to buy exotic cars and still afford to fuel them in India.
This makes me wonder, why don't I ever write about what a guy goes through, when in a relationship, during/after a breakup (which are both very different things) and in marriage. Well, another time, cheers !!!
What happened here is compromise. When u don't get what u want, then settle for what u have. But what men do is whine about how he's single and how girls always settle for the perfect ones. Basic problem is that men don't think emotionally.
When a girl leaves a guy for another one, she undergoes an emotional suicide. Luckily emotions are not physical objects so she can create them again. When she makes a choice it's not based on what the guy thinks she fell for. Guys think she went for the easy, effortless and settling down option, but a girl, even though gets all the above advantages, travels a different path. I wouldn't say harder path because who suffers most, the guy or girl is a totally different topic for another time.
Let me explain the different path which she has to go through. At first it seems as if she didn't want to leave her comfort zone so she settled for someone her parents chose for her. But she has to calculate, not his pay check, but her emotional tally. She wants to keep her family, she grew up with mom's food and dad's lap to sleep which she don't want to sacrifice. Of course we men too had them all but we don't include them as a component when we have to choose that over the love of our life.
Next comes siblings, a very important component. She might have fought with her siblings all 25 years but when she has to leave them it would still break her heart. Suddenly she wouldn't want to live without them. Next cousins, almost the same case. So basically she's a person entangled among her relations. When she wants to include you inside of it and you don't fit in, because of her relatives or yours, she breaks out, she's pushed into making a choice. When we have to choose we would easily choose what we want because its right in front of us. But for her it's all in her mind, a whole package. So she does go for the easy option within her comfort zone, not because of the reasons you'd think.
The reason I want to write about this is to try and explain men what great ordeal their wives have to undergo to be with them and that it's not the same as how we do it. Being a practical creature he knows he's too grown up to be with his parents/relatives and that its time to give all of himself to his life partner. But she on the other hand, thinks that she's too grown up to leave her parents alone when they're growing old so she wants to keep them along while taking your hand in marriage.
What I'm trying to say is,
1) When she gets over such emotional suicides, leaves her whole family and goes with you, she's heartbroken. She's not going to heal when you want her to heal. Her healing is a whole another process and its going to take a minimum of the same amount of years she put in to grow up with them. So embrace it. She could be a single person to see but she's a whole package. Embrace all of it. Take care of her and help her heal and for that she'll pour all her love on you.
2) When she leaves someone she loved to the choice of her parents. She's again heartbroken. But luckily it won't take as much time as the 1st case does, coz she knew him for a shorter duration. But the difficult part comes where you don't know about her past relationship yet. My advice, don't try to know, don't pry it out of her, but give her time to heal. She's already yours and that'll heal her quickly. Now when you do come to know of it, embrace it. She chose to leave him and be with you. It's a hardship if you imagine doing the same. So accept it, be there for her and again help her heal, she's going to pour all her love on you.
This way marriages won't break and divorce lawyers won't get to buy exotic cars and still afford to fuel them in India.
This makes me wonder, why don't I ever write about what a guy goes through, when in a relationship, during/after a breakup (which are both very different things) and in marriage. Well, another time, cheers !!!