We are boys

Hmm! So what about us. What are we? What makes us boys? What is our thought process? Pretty simple if you ask me, we’re practical beings. We like being practical, we analyze everything (yes, everything). But women analyze too, from the ingredients in their cosmetics to the kind of food they wanna eat at a particular time of day (yes they do). So what makes our analysis different? Simple, our analysis is solution oriented. We wanna solve it, whatever IT maybe, and get to a solution right then and there.

Solution, isn't that what everyone wants? Women go like, if I wanna get myself a dress, I decide on the right attire for the occasion, go to the right shop, get the right kind of material, choose the right kind of dress and stitch and color (which is very important) so that I can feel comfortable wearing my dress. Well, we also think about the right attire for the occasion, we are very picky when it comes to material and color (although we never agree to this when confronted) and choose ourselves a dress that helps us be comfortable.

The difference comes when you have to feel comfortable and we have to be comfortable. To feel something, we keep that separate from the rest of our lives, whereas women want to feel something with almost everything they come in contact with. This doesn't make us “idiots with no feelings” we feel only those things which feeling is associated with, say happiness, sadness, love, lonely. Unlike women who feel like having a burger or feel like going shopping, some women even feel like someone is a bad person. We eat when we’re hungry, we buy stuff when we need stuff,  simple as that.

So, to my first question, what are we? Well it’s a list, kind-of  First, we’re adventurous. Right from purchasing a cycle without any assurance whether we’ll ride it or not to falling in love with a girl without knowing her background (without considering our background as well). Now wait a minute, women do that too, sometimes, not so often. Well that’s the difference, we do it every time (now don’t tell me your boyfriend never does that, it’s a whole another topic of discussion). Very rarely do we stop ourselves from making a decision. Women constantly worry about what others might think or say about us if we take that step. We do stuff, worry later.

We’re travelers  What is travel? Going from point A to point B in a certain amount of time? That’s not travelling that’s commuting. How about taking a trip to the Himalayas on our bikes then? Well friend, you've been misled. When you put it simply, To travel is to confront one’s self. Go to the nearest beach, at sunrise or sunset, stand at the shore without any footwear, marvel at the scene nature paints in front of your eyes. Feel the warmth of the sun on your skin, breathe in the serene breeze around you, feel the earth beneath your feet and lose yourself to the moment, that my friend, is travel. Be it on top of the Himalayas or bottom of the Atlantic ocean, how much you lose yourself is how much you find yourself.

“Pfft! We women do that all the time”, exactly. Admiring a sunrise or a puppy is good, but doing it every time kind of beats the purpose.

We’re foodies. Now, whoever said “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”, the guy was a genius. We love food, any time of the day. We let women rule the kitchen, not because we thought that’s where she belongs but because we wanted you guys to cook for us. It’s a privilege actually. Easiest way to conquer a man’s heart (and I don’t think it works the other way around, let me explain that later). It doesn't matter what you cook or how you cook (although a favorite dish will help the occasion), what matters for us is that, you tried. If the dish comes out well and satisfies our palette, it’s a sealed deal.

And finally (phew), we’re lovers. Yes girls, we love you. Doesn't matter what you do, once you find a place in our hearts, you stay there forever. You girls show your love through care (or smothering), by being there (or clinging), with jealousy (or possessiveness). Even though we don’t show our love in what we do (which every girl expects us to do), the love we have for you will always grow with time and never decline.

We love you, doesn't matter what you do. We love the way you squint your eyes when you're gossiping, the way you tug your hair behind your ears, how you mess up stuff and cry for silly things, how you admire every little thing with the same kind of enthusiasm like the first time you did. We love the way you decide or choose stuff from a bunch, the way (we think) your mind works while thinking something. We love the way you feel so tiny when held closely, the way you hug like you’re at your strongest when you’re with us. We love you, like hell. Why? Beats me.

I know guys, long boring blog. There’s a reason for that. Its all in the words!

P.S.:- this blog does not even come close to explaining what makes us who we are, this is just a hopeless attempt at explaining what you girls should know, from day one!

Learning to Let Go !

I was around 8 when I bought my first bicycle. Dad, with utmost care, bought me one of those kids bicycle with supporting wheels on it. I rode it till I got bored and wanted to get rid of those supporting wheels, and thus began my first bicycle training with Dad.

He used to grab my cycle from behind since I haven't found my balance yet, used to run along with me, doesn't matter what speeds I rode in, true care. It was the same for a few more days. One fine evening, we went for a training session. I was riding with my Dad's support and suddenly noticed I don't hear his footsteps running with me anymore. I turn back and he was looking at me from a fair distance and smiling, such pride in his face, his son had finally learnt his balance. I ride a few more feet and thump!, fell on my hands and knees and the road gave me a few scratches.

I get home, hurt and bleeding. I imagine the usual scenario at home when I return from street cricket with similar wounds, but Mom was so calm, took care of my wounds. We had dinner and went to bed. In bed at night, I stay up thinking, "why did Dad let go of my cycle?" "why Mom didn't give me a new lecture for my wounds?" "what changed?" "have I grown up?" (a childhood wish). Took me 24 years to understand what had happened and I bet it'll take a few more to be there and do it.

My Dad must've known I would crash and fall at some point, he must've known it was necessary for me to learn to get back up when I fall down and in the process learn how to ride a bicycle. All these years I've been told that there's no greater love than our parents' love for us. How was he able to overcome his love and care for his son to let go of his bicycle, being well aware of what was going to happen next, simple, he knew when to let go.

Sometimes we hold on to people, so much for so long that we just can't let go of them. No matter how much it is necessary to do so, even when they decide to leave us or fate decides to separate us. It all depends on the maturity level of a human being. It doesn't mean we're rude/stupid, it just means that we're not mature enough to let go. We couldn't weigh our love for them against the necessity to let go.

This isn't just any blog entry, this isn't funny like my other blogs supposedly are. I write this blog with tears in my eyes and pain in my heart. I lost a friend, a brother, my pillar and my well-wisher. Without him it's never gonna be the same. I miss him and I'll always do. I haven't learnt the art, to let go, I'm still immature. In the coming years, I believe I'll have the strength and maturity to let go. Letting go (not "giving up") takes years to mature and then some, to practice. 

I sincerely hope that, when I grow up like my Dad, I would have the heart to let go and the maturity to accept the necessity to let go. As I wipe my tears off, I pray to God and the angels of the heaven to be with me, strengthen me and inculcate in me, the ability to let go. The memories that make me cry now, will be my most prized treasures in the years to come, these memories will make me feel alive and show me that my life was worth living.

Marriage Aftermath

Women, they have a description of a perfect guy. And we all know this description. "Taller than me, well built, fit health wise and body wise, handsome, well settled, good language and enough vehicles". This is what they want, but most of them accept to the fact that all this in a single person is too much to ask so they settle for a person who doesn't have one or two of these qualities.

What happened here is compromise. When u don't get what u want, then settle for what u have. But what men do is whine about how he's single and how girls always settle for the perfect ones. Basic problem is that men don't think emotionally.

When a girl leaves a guy for another one, she undergoes an emotional suicide. Luckily emotions are not physical objects so she can create them again. When she makes a choice it's not based on what the guy thinks she fell for. Guys think she went for the easy, effortless and settling down option, but a girl, even though gets all the above advantages, travels a different path. I wouldn't say harder path because who suffers most, the guy or girl is a totally different topic for another time.

Let me explain the different path which she has to go through. At first it seems as if she didn't want to leave her comfort zone so she settled for someone her parents chose for her. But she has to calculate, not his pay check, but her emotional tally. She wants to keep her family, she grew up with mom's food and dad's lap to sleep which she don't want to sacrifice. Of course we men too had them all but we don't include them as a component when we have to choose that over the love of our life.

Next comes siblings, a very important component. She might have fought with her siblings all 25 years but when she has to leave them it would still break her heart. Suddenly she wouldn't want to live without them. Next cousins, almost the same case. So basically she's a person entangled among her relations. When she wants to include you inside of it and you don't fit in, because of her relatives or yours, she breaks out, she's pushed into making a choice. When we have to choose we would easily choose what we want because its right in front of us. But for her it's all in her mind, a whole package. So she does go for the easy option within her comfort zone, not because of the reasons you'd think.

The reason I want to write about this is to try and explain men what great ordeal their wives have to undergo to be with them and that it's not the same as how we do it. Being a practical creature he knows he's too grown up to be with his parents/relatives and that its time to give all of himself to his life partner. But she on the other hand, thinks that she's too grown up to leave her parents alone when they're growing old so she wants to keep them along while taking your hand in marriage.

What I'm trying to say is,
1) When she gets over such emotional suicides, leaves her whole family and goes with you, she's heartbroken. She's not going to heal when you want her to heal. Her healing is a whole another process and its going to take a minimum of the same amount of years she put in to grow up with them. So embrace it. She could be a single person to see but she's a whole package. Embrace all of it. Take care of her and help her heal and for that she'll pour all her love on you. 

2) When she leaves someone she loved to the choice of her parents. She's again heartbroken. But luckily it won't take as much time as the 1st case does, coz she knew him for a shorter duration. But the difficult part comes where you don't know about her past relationship yet. My advice, don't try to know, don't pry it out of her, but give her time to heal. She's already yours and that'll heal her quickly. Now when you do come to know of it, embrace it. She chose to leave him and be with you. It's a hardship if you imagine doing the same. So accept it, be there for her and again help her heal, she's going to pour all her love on you.
This way marriages won't break and divorce lawyers won't get to buy exotic cars and still afford to fuel them in India.

This makes me wonder, why don't I ever write about what a guy goes through, when in a relationship, during/after a breakup (which are both very different things) and in marriage. Well, another time, cheers !!!

Leelai

I just wanted to write a review about this movie, no particular reason. Maybe I waited too long for this movie.

To start with, it’s a dream, a dream of every Indian youngster. When you picture the IT sector of India, this is what you see in your mind. But what most people don’t know is that this is the dream of every IT professional as well.

Just imagine a posh apartment where everything is always clean and designed in a way you see homes in those coffee commercials. Many would kill to own such an apartment, and somehow all the characters in the movie who’s working in IT seem to own such an apartment, imagine that. And yes, they drive a car to work every day. An AC car to work, every day, in Chennai with a software professional’s salary (barf here), you don’t see that always.

Both male and female lead roles have a good friend to spend time with, and the good friend character is from the opposite sex. Everyone needs and deserves someone like that, a good friend from the opposite sex to spend time with, a good company, appreciated.

Oh yes, the best part of the movie, the male and the female leads. Actors, yes they are, and it shows. Some places it seems as if they’re reading it from the prompter. The girl wants to casually put her hands in her jeans pockets while talking to her friend, but for some reason she’s avoiding it and it's very obvious. The boy had tried to dance. I wouldn’t have done it better so I appreciate the effort. For his height it was a little funny though.

From the beginning of this blog I’ve been waiting to get to this part. Okay the girl, beautiful girl. And she’s got this beautiful black hair with curls in the end, heaven.  She’s the right height for the boy, a perfect fit for hugs and smooches. She’s just enough fair, lean but not thin ("not thin" is very important btw). Big watery eyes and they sometimes sparkle, especially whenever the name “Karthik” is uttered in front of her, the sparkle in her eyes looks prominent more than her disgust of the boy. 

 

She’s got a good dressing sense, which most of my city girls lack in plenty. She can drive a car but I wouldn’t guarantee 0 accidents, she just doesn’t do the usual stupid things girls do inside their cars, like looking at their makeup in the rear view mirror. Wearing minimum jewels, one thin chain, earrings, two rings, appreciate the care. And her makeup was almost natural. The makeup portrays a normal IT girl who knows how to take care of herself, who knows how to present herself well. Easy to find a girl in our streets with that amount makeup, it was that normal. But in dream songs she looked a little plastic, which is acceptable, it’s a dream right.

Now, ladies, the boy, he is everything a girl can ask for and a boy can get jealous on. He’s tall, fair than the girl. He’s handsome, always clean shaved, no stubble on his face. Well built, straight nose, broad shoulders, lean, no tummy (which is very important for women, I have no idea why). His hair is cut just enough, it’s not too much or too less, it’s just perfect and wavy not curly (some women would kill for that).

He doesn’t drink or smoke, which is no surprise because he’s a Chennai boy. In Chennai a boy who drinks and/or smokes will look odd, and the one who doesn’t is available in surplus. He doesn’t wear any jewels, just a steel strap watch; appreciate the care in presentation again. If Karthik was created to make girls drool he’s a failure, he just stays in their heads and would annoy their boyfriend sometimes. He opens the door for the lady, a gentleman (as girls would like to describe) and in one particular scene, he wears a pink shirt and he’s on an attractive IT payroll, which could be an instant turn on (oh come on, let’s face the facts here).

Music is out of the ordinary. There was a big gap between the release of music and release of the movie, which gave us plenty time to memorize the lyrics, was able to hear murmurs of every song. “Oru Kili” lyrics were just fantastic with Shreya and Sathish’s magical voice, the song is just out of the world. Visuals were okay for this song, reminded me of the saree commercials. “Pon Maalai” visualization did justice to the lyrics, the music and the resources in the movie.

“Jillendru Oru Kalavaram” shows the innocence of young love. Occupied a permanent place in all of my playlists, again the lyrics were nothing usual, synchronized well with the music, made the low notes, sing-along and the high notes, stand out. “Unnai Partha Pinbu” showed the pain of love, I liked the way it was portrayed. Was wondering where the “Bubble Gum” is gonna fit in, thankfully it wasn’t pushed in anywhere.

The comedy track was good, not up-to the mark. At the time there was not much expectation from Santhaanam, so, having him and not able to laugh at certain places was disappointing. It didn’t have to be him. Suhasini was cute throughout the movie. Good choice for a friend, although she made some of us, audiences fall in love with her. She has a charm and knows how to work her charm, should definitely be appreciated for playing her part right.

Overall, the movie had everything but a captivating plot. The plot was a little immature and funny, but it did look good in an Indian IT sector background. 

Watching an IT love story, among young couples of the corporate age and college, far from the busy and polluted city; over hearing the secret whispers and silent giggles of the love birds in the movie theatre gave us a very good movie experience.

I’m satisfied. Cheers!!!

Understanding Feminine - Part I

I'm gonna give this to you plain and simple. She won't understand ur thoughts/ideas. She only understands your feelings. Her brain is not wired that way. U can lie 'I love u' and she'll go 'awwww!' U can say the truth 'Lionel's footwork is out of the world' and she'l go 'why wud I even care!!'. This is why the wrong guys with the right set of words can impress a girl rather than the right guy with truth filled in their hearts and their tongues (or maybe not their hearts, lets say minds) coz feelings are best expressed with words.

 
U cannot expect her to understand ur passion, goals, aim or anything remotely related to these things. (But if she says she does, she just loves u so much that she chose to ignore the differences over these stuff). Main reason for this is, she thinks she's being practical wit u, which she cannot. A girl can never be practical. All her thoughts are based on emotions. Emotion by its definition is not practical.

In the end if ur big dream does come true, she'd say she just wanted to give a fair warning. And if it didn't, she'd say 'I told u to be more practical' sounds diplomatic but it’s not. To be diplomatic u need to hav that one thing in mind. So obviously a girl cannot be diplomatic coz she has a zillion things running in her mind at any given time.

So wht is it. How can she give such cute answers dat make u agree to her, no matter if u're right or wrong? One, coz she's cute and u luv her for it, ur mind wud choose to see her dat way even if she's picking her nose.

And two, coz her mind works in a funny way, where the same scenario occuring in two different time periods, have the tendency to produce two completely different emotions, conclusions, reactions and/or judgment.

Let me prove my theory with an example. U're going to meet her, on the way u see her fav burger joint and u buy two for the both of u. U give them to her, she opens the pack and goes 'but I never like burgers, where's my favorite chicken' then u go 'but dat day u loved those burgers' and she goes 'but it was DAT DAY'

Wait it’s not over yet, couple months later u go to meet her again. This time u bought her favorite chicken. She opens the pack and goes 'u didn't get me my favorite burger'. Now u go 'but dat day u said u luvd only the chicken and not the burgers' and she goes 'but it was DAT DAY' see wht I mean?

This is the same reason why she'd get mad at her frnd for breaking up with his/her gf/bf. She'l keep saying whtever the frnd did was not right and they must'v tried to patch up again. But when she breaks up with her boyfriend she thinks she's not like her friend and she has a valid reason for the breakup (well girls, everyone does hav a valid reason) and she thinks it’s totally right wht she did (right or wrong is not the point of argument here)

My question is. If wht u did was right how do u blame ur frnd wrong for the same reason. And if wht they did was not right. How come u do the same thing and somehow it seems right to u? Well dat question (and this whole blog) is for the boys.

So, boys, its becoz of the theory I said before. Same scenario, two different conclusions/emotions/reactions. It’s completely natural with a girl and ther's no point being mad at her for this reason. Its ur loss not hers. Coz she was created this way and ther's no changing it. She can try but she cannot change her basic nature, which is, being feminine.

That is why women can drive autos, heavy bikes, sports cars or even planes. But they still wud be bad drivers and we wud never stop loving them coz that’s how we were created..!

Cheers..!!

5 Questions

Relationship is a mess, most of them are, but a beautiful mess. But wherever we find a mess, we clean it or we at least try to. I have here, 5questions that can clean the mess out of a relationship, suitable for most of them.

I write these questions in a girl point of view, as in a girl/woman should ask them to herself. That is just because it is easier for me to talk from a boy point of view, coz I know what I want from her.

Let me just state that, in all fairness, the 5questions stands good for boys as well as girls. Whoever wants to save their relationship ofcourse. When u’re determined to leave him/her then who’s to stop you.

So when do we need these questions? What to do with them? How are they gonna help us out of a mess? When I first told them to a friend I was talking about problems in a relationship and how to overcome such problems. So it’s for the bad times, obviously.

And, just to make the thinking process simpler and easier (especially for the girls who think a lot, hence resulting in arguments and ultimately –breakup) I’ve added answers to the questions as well.

So, next time when u get so angry that u wanna burst out into an argument, when u feel the urge to fight with each other, hold it for a few seconds, think of the questions below,

1. What will it do to him?

 - It will destroy him, irreparably.

2. If I did the same mistake and he was there in my position, what wud he do?

 - He definitely wouldn’t wanna lose you.

3. Is my point worth the fight/argument?

 - If it’s gonna destroy your partner and ur relationship, then obviously it’s not worth it.

4. What matters the most, proving my point or him?

 - Do we even need an answer for this question? Ofcourse, it’s your partner.

5. Can I just put this all behind me and jus hug him tightly and kiss him?

 - Well, I could get killed for this coz I let the secret out. This is the punch line, the whole point of this blog. Whenever u feel like fighting just drop it, run to him, hug him, works every time. He’ll forget everything, he wud even turn his back on this whole world for you, all he needs is one hug, one kiss (after marriage that is, if I should add, for my Indian folks)

Think this through.

Have a happy valentine’s day..!!

Cheers!!

True Love

What is true love? Okay then what all constitute to be "not so true" love? Can true love happen more than once? We're gonna see some answers for some unanswered questions.

You're in a relationship, things don't work out, one of you doesn’t want this breakup, and ultimately you have a bad breakup. Leaves a scar in you, u're permanently wounded. When u’ve had such a bad breakup from a very bad relationship but still u don't remember the bad things, they never come to your mind. All u have in mind is the beautiful 6months u got to spend with them and u'll treasure it for the rest of your life. True Love!

You see the perfect woman (or man). The one u've seen only in your dreams so far is now standing there in person and speaking with you. You get to know her (him) so well right from your first meet. You fall for her (him) but still don't say her (him) that. Not out of fear or shyness. When you're brave enough to say, "I don't deserve her (him), I'm not so worthy. She's so perfect; she deserves someone better than me. I'm gonna make that happen in all my power so that she'll stay happy forever". True Love!

You spend 4 months with a person. You love them so much. They're not much of a caring type. They ignore you, not intentionally. They just don't know how to care for you. They're numb to love and care. You get annoyed every time they ignore you, but still, whenever you go to bed at night, as soon as you close your eyes, you remember that magic moment that happened once, which has no chance of happening again and all your anger goes out of the window. True Love!

You know a person very well. You like everything she (he) does for you. You have already fallen for the person but you don't show that out. Either from the fear of losing her (him) or u're just shy to express. Maybe even worse, you don't know how to express. You just keep everything to you and once you lose them, sit in a corner and cry thinking "what did I ever do wrong". Not so true Love! (They say Love gives you courage and power, makes you do things that you never thought possible. True love does that, I have personally experienced the power it gives. So when you're just afraid to express its not so true Love) (btw, don't know how to express, just means you're afraid to express, u knw very well how to, u're just scared)

I guess explaining it the other way would be better!
Not so true love: fear, scared, not expressing, don't want to lose him/her, don't wanna hurt anyone (total BS), want everything to go smoothly, "you should only come and talk to my parents", "I luv u", "I'm so happy", "What have you done to me", "U're so romantic", "u cud've been a little taller/fairer than me" - oh wait! Did I miss to mention this, saying the right things too often, or saying the wrong things (which are both same, pretty much) have a high chance of being "not so true Love!" ends in breakup every time.

Now, the 3rd and the most important question, Can true Love happen more than once? Ideally I should say, it depends on how you define Love. But, since most of us get spineless when it comes to love, I'd rather say it out. YES, True Love can happen more than once (but not with more than one person at the same time, please). Love is not a person to live once and die once. And everything else that is not a person can happen twice or more than twice.

Love is a feeling. You have 365 days in a year, how many days do u feel good/bad/worst/happy/sad. If these are feelings, essential feelings on which we build our life and if they can happen more than once, they y not Love. Love is a feeling which we build our life with and it can happen more than once, it has to happen more than once. If you will Love only once in your entire life, then u'l never have a relationship/marriage.

Falling for the same person more than once is true Love and it is the same as falling in Love twice. This is very essential to keep the relationship/marriage going. If you don't fall in love for her/him again and again all through your life you'l just lose him/her. Same stands for falling in love for the second time. Okay u just got out of a relationship, u're deeply hurt, but if u don't fall in love with the right person when they show up to you, just because you feel guilty that u've had one love already, then u'l lose the right person forever.

Fall in Love at every chance you get, thats how your mom and dad are still staying together amidst all their disagreements. I see my parents fight sometimes, but there's not one day they didn't talk to each other. They fall in love with each other at every chance they get, a simple smile, my dad's fav dish, mom's fav TV show. Giving time for each other, the true sacrifice, thats all it takes to build a good relationship.

Fall in Love, Love is good and most importantly, express it!!